11. Should Confrontation be avoided?

We live in an era of conflicts. Conflicts are so common in the world we live today.that conflict management has evolved as a field of study. Management courses will be incomplete without elaborate sessions on managing conflicts.

Conflicts lead to situations in which confrontation seems to be the only way out. People often fight to the finish. Whether we win or lose a fight is considered to be an essential part of living. Humour and self-esteem are often associated with a willingness to fight even if it could lead to destruction.

To understand confrontation in perspective, we should distinguish between two types of confrontation - confrontation on issues and confrontation between people.

Obviously, confrontation on issues is something we should never shy away from. It is confrontation between people that can be and should be avoided.

When we are stuck with issues or handicapped by a problem, we ought to do something to resolve the issue or solve the problem. The process of resolving an issue requires that we have the courage and the integrity to assess and accept the reality and take steps to overcome it. This is precisely what is meant by confrontation on an issue.

Confrontation between two sets of people takes place when there is a conflict of interests.The history of civilization is packed with stories of confrontation between various tribes.

The two types confrontation I have mentioned above demand two diametrically opposite approaches. Confronting issues is both a healthy practice and a necessary requirement.When you are facing an obstacle, the only way to move ahead is to remove that obstacle using all our physical and intellectual prowess.

10. Lost and Found!

Recently, one evening, I took my granddaughter to the children’s play area (commonly known as the park) of my apartment block. 

It was only an hour after returning home from the park that I noticed that my mobile phone was missing. I rushed to the park and made a desperate search that proved to be futile.

The park is common for two adjacent apartment blocks. I checked with the security guard of my block whether anyone had reported finding an abandoned phone in the park but got a negative reply from him. I requested him to check with the security guard of the adjacent block. Presently, he informed me that no one from the adjacent block had reported finding a phone either.

My entire family including my wife, son and daughter-in-law joined me in the search. Not to be left behind, my 40 month old granddaughter also contributed her mite by telling me emphatically, “Grandpa! You should have left your phone in the park!”

The technically savvy members of the search team comprising my son and daughter-in-law used Google to locate my phone. The omniscient Google showed the phone to be in our complex, indicating the adjacent block as the probable place of refuge of my phone

We used the Google facility of making the phone ring for 5 minutes. My son told me that the ring would go even if the phone were in silent mode. But there was no response to these efforts.

Even as technology was being used to trace the phone, I wrote Sriramajayam and recited Vishnu Sahasranamam, the two traditional methods that have always helped and guided me during difficult situations in the past. I was a little reluctant to use these methods, wondering whether I was invoking something special for resolving a trivial issue. Then I convinced myself that though using excel to find the sum of 5 and 4 may appear somewhat inappropriate, excel would, nevertheless, give the correct answer!

Time passed, with no developments.The phone remained in the same position, if one were to accept Google’s infallibility. We called this number several times from a couple of phones and also used the Google’s facility of generating a ring for 5 minutes, a couple of times. But nothing happened.

My son suggested that I could lock the phone from Google using a password. I did this, with a lurking concern that I should be able to type the password correctly and unlock the phone, if it was retrieved! As prompted by Google, I typed a message requesting the finder to return the phone to the address given. Google would have the message displayed on my mobile screen.

My wife, for her part, sent a message to my whatsapp, requesting the finder to return the phone to the owner at the address given in the message. I watched with amusement, the whatsapp message appearing in my laptop, thanks to the whatsapp web installed in the laptop!

Before going to bed around midnight, I did two more things. I gave one more 5-minute long ring using Google, hoping that the long ring at midnight would be heard by someone and would provoke them to take some action. I also initiated a psychic step I had read in a book, by drinking some water from a tumbler and leaving a small quantity of water in the tumbler to remain overnight. The belief was that when I drank the remaining water in the morning, the problem would get solved!

I got up in the morning with no good news awaiting me. There had been no information about my phone. And my wife decanted the water I had left in the tumbler, without knowing that I had left it for a purpose! Was it an indication that I won’t get back the phone, I wondered.

It was about 8.30 am, when the calling bell of my apartment sounded. A lady living in the adjacent apartment block stood there with my phone in her hand. She said that she had found it on the road, outside her block and that she had no idea whom it belonged to. She said that though she heard the phone ring a few times, she was too busy to answer it. I wondered both about her claim of finding the phone on the road and about her explanation (or lack of it) about not responding to the 26 calls made to the phone from other phones and the couple of long rings generated by Google that would have disturbed anyone.

However, it was time to be grateful. So, I thanked her profusely and celebrated my getting united with my smart phone! Perhaps, blocking the phone and giving a message had an effect. Thank you, Technology and thank you, Google!

9. Patting on the Cheek!

If you encounter a difficult question posed by someone, a question for which you don't have a convincing answer, what will you do?

a) You will give an honest answer and face the consequences

b) You will find a way to  be evasive and prevaricate

c) You will say "I refuse to answer the question since it will incriminate me" as a witness will sometimes say in a court in Perry Mason stories.

d) You will go away abruptly without answering the question

Well, if you feel that you can't choose any of the above four options, you have a fifth option. This innovative and revolutionary approach for circumventing a difficult or embarrassing question was demonstrated by a celebrity very recently.

You just pat on the cheek of the questioner!

Never mind if the questioner is of a gender different from yours. If anything, this technique will work better if a man does it to a woman. (I am not sure whether it will work so well if the woman does it to a man!) In any case, you can claim that your 'hand on cheek' action was your way of wriggling out of the need to answer her question!

When I say this is a technique and it is powerful, I am not speculating or being hypothetical.The person who used it recently has been so graceful as to reveal this for the benefit of mankind (even if it means not being kind to women!). If he had not done so, people would have been speculating about his motives for patting on the cheek of a woman. Some might have even been so unkind as to remark what a cheek he had to touch the cheek of a woman without any consideration for her feelings.

As far as I know, the gentleman has not yet patented this technique.

However, I find two practical problems in people using this technique.

1) Since the person whose cheek is touched may be washing it several times, there may be huge consumption of water.

2) Another gentleman known for his wisecracks has advised that the hand that touches the cheek of another person has to be washed with phenyle. This may result in consumption of even more water.

Considering the severe water scarcity experienced by people everywhere, we need to have a closer look at the viability of this technique.

So, in the ultimate analysis, the technique of patting on the cheek does not appear to be viable, notwithstanding the ingenious idea behind it!  Perhaps, one should settle for another technique demonstrated by another gentleman sometime back!

8. Nirbhaya, again!

In 2012, the entire nation was outraged by the rape and murder of the 23-year old Nirbhaya. After 5 years, the nation is witnessing another outrage, this time caused by a seemingly innocuous, yet utterly insensitive remark of a retired police chief.

Speaking at a ceremony organized to honour women, the gentleman said that he could imagine how beautiful Nirbhaya would have been by seeing the good physique of her mother!

Does this remark not suggest that it was not surprising that Nirbhaya was raped considering how beautiful she was? The rape accused could perhaps have used this argument in defense of his crime, if only he had thought about this!

The gentleman had defended his remark (vide the Hindu of 17th March 2018) that it was  only a compliment and that he was trying to draw the attention of the people about the vulnerability of women, particularly beautiful women.

I wonder how a person who held such a responsible position that too in the police department could have been so unrestrained. Rather than regretting his remark, he is justifying it! If an ordinary person told a girl 'Hi! You are beautiful', he could be arrested for eve-teasing or sexual harassment!

The ex police also had a piece of advice for prospective rape victims. He suggested that the victim surrender so that she could save her life. Perhaps, this is about being pragmatic!

Nirbhaya means being fearless. Some people do not seem to be afraid of embarrassing themselves and others by the things they say.

Elsewhere, Dr. Vijayabhaskar, Tamilnadu's health minister told a woman journalist "Your specs look beautiful. You are looking beautiful."

He has clarified that he said this to divert the attention of the journalists from asking him political questions. What an innovative way to avoid questions from the media! Never mind if this remark could have embarrassed the lady!

Mr. Vijayabhaskar has often been targeted for criticism by the DMK leader Stalin. When Mr. Vijayabhaskar meets Mr.Stalin the next time, he may say "Mr. Stalin! You are looking handsome!" Perhaps, this will make Mr. Stalin so stunned to stop him from criticizing Mr. Vijayabhaskar! 

7. Google Loves Tamil!

When we want to search for information, we go to Google. But, for once, Google came in search of us for giving us information! This happened on 13th March 2018 at Hyatt Regency, Chennai in the form of  'Google for Tamil' event.

Considering that Google had extended asdsense to Tamil sites only on 9th February 2018, this event was launched pretty quick.

Even as I entered the venue, I felt proud and joyous to see the banner 'Google for Tamil.' But it was only the beginning of my excitement. I was astounded by the extensive and exhaustive coverage of topics related to adsense during the event and the thorough preparation by the executives of Google who made presentations on different aspects of content creation and the power of adsense.

I didn't intend to write about the event. Therefore I didn't take notes. Nor did I note down the names of the wonderful people who made the lively and useful presentations. These Google executives had landed Chennai from various places. Some of them didn't know Tamil and had to necessarily speak in English. However one person contributed a lot in Tamil and ensured that even the participants not so well versed in English got the message.

So, what was the seminar about?

The seminar broadly covered 5 areas

1) Fast growth in the number of netizens looking for information in Tamil and the huge demand for Tamil content this rapid growth has been creating.

2) The increasing interest advertisers have been showing for using Tamil sites as a vibrant platform for advertising and the expected increase in advertising income of Tamil sites because of this.

3) Understanding of the adjustments required to make the websites mobile friendly in the background of the increasing use of mobile phones for browsing the net.

4) Best practices for using adsense to the best advantage.

5) Adsesnse policy and the need to be clear about the mistakes and unacceptable practices that might lead to one's adsense account being suspended or terminated.

All the speakers displayed a commendable skill of presentation enriched by their knowledge of the topics they were presenting and a consummate thoroughness of preparation. All of them answered the questions fielded by some of the participants. Their patience in answering the supplementary questions persistently asked by some of the participants is worth applauding.

There was also a panel discussion in which an advertiser, a publisher, a technical expert and a successful youtube channel operator participated. In my opinion, instead of this panel discussion, giving a time slot of 15 minutes to each of these 4 people to answer the questions posed by the participants would have been more beneficial.

Food turned out to be another bonanza. Starting with an elaborate breakfast, there was a continuous flow of food at short intervals in the form of tea/coffee with a lot of snacks during the tea break in the forenoon, a sumptuous lunch in the afternoon that included an endless number of courses and a high tea at the end of the program.

What were my takeaways?

I have realized the huge potential for Tamil content in the net and the tremendous scope for monetisation. Though I have been using adsense for my English blogs for the past few years, I have earned very little adsense revenue. Meeting, in this event, many people with a lot of enthusiasm, amazing talents and stunning achievements, has inspired me to achieve much more. Since I have a lot of interest and enthusiasm for writing (and some flair too!), I have decided to focus on providing content for which there is a huge demand.

I am thankful to Google for extending adsense to Tamil websites and for organizing this exciting and inspiring event.

I am grateful to Indiblogger who extended the invitation to me and enabled me to participate in this event.

6. Tragedy Can Strike the Hapless in Strange Ways

It may be too late to talk about demonetization. Both the supporters and critics of this move seem to have presented their closing arguments and moved to other topics..

But it seems it is never too late for demonetization itself  to strike people. I am not referring to the seizure of old currency that has been taking place every now and then. After all, the hoarders of the demonetized notes deserve to be punished.

But one can't help sympathizing with Ms Meenakshi, a poor lady from Hassan, Karnataka, with a disability to hear or speak who realized that the sum of Rs.1.39 lakh that she had saved up and stashed had no value. The tragedy is that she learned of the impact of demonetization too late (only in the third week of April), more than 3 months after the deadline prescribed by the government for exchanging or depositing the demonetized notes and more than 15 days after the grace period that ended on March 31, 2017.

Considering that Meenakshi has been earning Rs.1500 per month as a domestic help, in addition to the disability pension of Rs.1200 per month, so kindly doled out by the government, we can imagine how much sacrifice .she should have endured over the years to save such a substantial sum from her poor earnings, which should have been still less in the past.

After demonetization had been announced, Meenakshi's family members asked her whether she had any cash  with her. But the poor woman seems to have refrained from talking about her savings, fearing that her precious savings would be taken away from her. It has been taken away from her in a totally unexpected way.

The government officials have pleaded their inability to help her since the rules won't permit any help. I don't know whether any philanthropists have come forward to help her.

Needless to say, the government is not responsible for Meenakshi's plight. It appears that fate has played a cruel game on her. We can only pray for happiness.

5. Justice and Revenge

There were two important judgements during the first week of May, 2017.

One was in the Nirbhaya case. The Supreme Court, on 5th May, 2017,  upheld the death sentence awarded to the four rapists by the Delhi High Court. For the incident that took place in 2012, the final judgement has come in about five years' time. The nationwide attention this gruesome incident received, the outrage it created among vast sections of the people and the wide coverage this incident received from the media would have contributed, at least to some extent, to the somewhat expeditious disposal of the case.

Reacting to the judgement, Nirbhaya's father said that he had lost sleep for the last five years. He added, "I will sleep peacefully tonight. My daughter will also rest in peace."

While I could understand the intensity of his mental pain and his physical strain in losing sleep during the last 5 years, I felt a little disturbed by the second part of his statement. It is good that he is getting back to normalcy and is hopeful of having a good night's sleep from now. But I am not sure how sentencing the culprit to death can end the agony of the victim's relatives. I don't think that the victim's resting in peace depends on the culprits getting hanged, either.

Well, Nirbhaya's father has gone through a period of intense pain and my full sympathies are with him. May God give him the peace he needs and deserves.

The second was a judgement delivered on 8th may, 2017, by the Bombay high Court in the Bilkis Bano case. Bilkis Bano was 19 years old and pregnant  when she was gangraped on March 3, 2002 during the post-Godhra riots that rocked Gukarar. Ms Bano was the only adult survivor and eyewitness to the massacre  of 14 members of her family including her three and a half year old daughter.

The Bombay High Court (the case was transferred to Maharashtra by the Supreme Court since  the victim could not get justice in Gujarat, then under the rule of Mr. Narendra Modi) upheld the conviction of the 11 accused and also upturned the acquittal of  7 others, thus delivering a guilty verdict on a total of 18 individuals, including 5 policemen and 2 doctors.

What is significant is the reaction of the 34 year old (Yes, it has taken 19 years for this judgement to come) Ms. Bano to the judgement.  When she was asked by reporters whether she didn't wish that the accused in this case were awarded death sentence as in the case of the Nirbhaya case, she said, "The horrors I suffered deserve the maximum punishment but I do not want anyone else to die in my name. I want justice, not revenge."

I salute this lady for her attitude!